Alone in the Dark

So I went and saw Alone in the Dark this weekend. The critics, naturally, tore this movie apart -- but then again, it's an action/horror/video game movie, so OF COURSE they tore it apart. Personally I don't know why studios screen movies like this for critics. They know just as well as the rest of us that the critics are going to tear it apart for not being the next Sideways (which I still say looks like a boring and dumb movie). Not that I'm saying Alone in the Dark is a great movie or anything, but it sure had me laughing my ass off (oh wait, it wasn't actually supposed to be a comedy, was it?).

It's always been my opinion that there are two types of bad movies out there -- the kind that when the movie is over, you can't believe you actually wasted money on it, and spend the drive home complaining about all the things wrong with the movie, and then the kind where you spend the drive home laughing your ass off about all the things that were wrong with the movie. Alone in the Dark definitely falls into the latter category. And so my response to all the critics out there is this, "Lighten up!!" Seriously, these people really, really need to invest in a sense of humor (somehow I see a full post all about the complete uselessness of movie critics somewhere in my future). Is this movie Shakespeare? Is it the next big contender for Best Picture? Not even close. But then again, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE!! But you know what, that's not always the end of the world. Every now and then it's fun to go see a movie that's just bad and simply enjoy how bad it is (for example, one of the trailers I saw this weekend was for a movie called The Cave, which looks like just a horrible, horrible movie that's been done way too many times before. But I'll probably catch it on a matinee anyways, just so I can laugh and joke with my buddies about how horrible it was once it's over).

The biggest shame about Alone in the Dark is that it really had the potential to be a good movie. Actually, it had the potential to be several good movies, and I think that was it's biggest failing. It couldn't quite decide what type of a movie it wanted to be, and so you get Aliens merged with National Treasure merged with Resident Evil merged with a couple of other movies. Which ends up leaving us with all kinds of gaping plot holes and unanswered questions, and scenes that don't seem to fit into the movie, and interesting plotlines that end up going nowhere. Which is too bad, really, because I think Christian Slater is a damned good actor, so it'd be nice if he could get into a good movie where he can showcase his talents. And one with co-stars that can actually act!

Stephen Dorff isn't that bad an actor (although he's not exactly at his best in this one), but Tara Reid? How that girl still has a career is beyond me. Most of the worst-delivered (and consequently, the funniest) lines in the movie come out of her mouth. The least they could have done is expanded the brief, almost sex scene between her and Christian Slater so that we could have seen some nudity (this is a movie that certainly wouldn't have suffered from a gratuitous nude scene). Hell, Tara showed more tit at her last red carpet event than she did here!

Well, I think that's about it for this rant. Hard to say when my next post will be. Looking at the schedule, it looks like it'll be a good three weeks before the next movie of note (Constantine) comes out (but January/February are usually pretty dead months at the cinema, so no surprise there). Maybe I'll have to do my rant about the critics this week or next.