Best & Worst of 2004

So those morons over at MSNBC have released their best and worst movies lists for 2004. My first comment of course (and this applies to movie critics in general) is this -- these losers actually get PAID to do this?! Where do I sign up? As usual, the worst list is filled with big blockbuster films, while the best list is filled with Oscar-wannabe movies that most people have never heard of, much less seen. But let's take a look at their lists, shall we? Let's start with their best of 2004 list (MSNBC put them in alphabetical order, as opposed to ranking them, so I'll list them the same way here):

The Aviator
Before Sunset
Blind Shaft
Fahrenheit 9/11
The Incredibles
Kinsey
Maria Full of Grace
Sideways
Strayed
Touching the Void

Now I have nothing against independent films, or arthouse films. On the contrary, some of them are quite enjoyable movies. But how is it that every year the award lists and critics' lists are filled with movies that made it to 15 or 20 screens in New York and LA, and that's it? Look at the list above. I see only 2 major studio releases -- The Incredibles and The Aviator -- and The Aviator just barely came out last week!! Which seems to be standard for the "best" movies of any year -- they come out in a dozen art house theaters in major cities right before the end of the year (just in time to be qualified for that year's Oscar nominations), then they ride the wave of award buzz hoping to actually get picked up for wide distribution some time in the spring of the following year! I'm sorry, but I really have to wonder about a movie that people are only bothering to see because it was nominated for a Golden Globe Award.

So where are the films that us average film-goers know and love from the previous year to be found? The critic responsible for the above list made mention of both Shrek 2 and Spider-Man 2 for their high box office grosses, but somehow they fail to make it onto his list of best films. He even gives a brief list of the next 10 best films (which I won't bother to list here), and neither Shrek 2 or Spider-Man 2 made THAT list either!! So I'm supposed to believe that neither of these very successful and highly entertaining films was good enough to make it into the top 20 films of the year?! That's just ridiculous. Of course, this genius also mentions Harry Potter 3, and calls it the best of the Harry Potter movies (a comment I've read elsewhere as well), and to me that's just proof positive this guy has no clue at all, because Harry Potter 3 was by huge leaps and bounds the WORST of the Harry Potter movies!!

And speaking of worst, let's move on to MSNBC's worst of 2004 list, done by another brilliant MSNBC contributor (this list was actually ranked, but unlike the bright boy who made the list adn decided to put number 1 first, I'll actually list them like MOST lists are done, starting with 10 and counting down to 1). Since I've actually SEEN most of these movies (okay, so I've only seen half of them, but I've at least seen the trailers for all of them, which is a lot more than I can say for MSNBC's top 20 movies of the year), I'll actually throw my commentary in after each movie:

10. Christmas with the Kranks -- Haven't actually seen this one, but considering how many people went to see it at the theater, it can't have been that bad. Now I admit that being successful doesn't make a movie good (see also the success of such incredible steaming crap as Jackass: The Movie), but in this case I'm thinking the movie can't have been as bad as the critics make it out to be.

9. Envy -- Haven't seen this movie yet, and while it looked cute, it was obviously the type of film the critics were going to hate. It may be as bad as the critics claimed, but somehow I doubt it.

8. Surviving Christmas -- Okay, so I can't really bring myself to argue with the critics on this one. After seeing the trailers, I had no desire whatsoever to waste my time with this one. It probably actually deserves to be on this list.

7. Taxi -- I saw this movie, and I loved it! Okay, I admit that Jimmy Fallon has a ways to go before he's ready to actually take the lead in a movie, and Queen Latifah had to pick up a lot of his slack, but the movie was still pretty damned funny. Add to that some incredibly sexy women bank robbers and some pretty damned cool high speed chase scenes, and this was a solidly entertaining film. Of course, it didn't have any deep existential meaning or heartfelt examination of the human condition, so of course the critics hated it.

6. Paparazzi -- Never got around to seeing this one at the theater, but any movie where scumbag paparazzi get what's coming to them can't be all bad, can it?

5. Resident Evil: Apocalypse -- Okay, so this movie wasn't even close to the original, and the cinematography really needed some work, but it was still a pretty good movie. Was it a super-scary zombie flick? Well, no. But was it supposed to be? Again, I say, no. It was an adrenaline-filled, action/horror effects piece. And all in all it was a fun way to kill a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon -- which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of the movies out there.

4. The Whole Ten Yards -- Another sequel that just didn't match up to the original (but how many sequels do). My main complaint (being a heterosexual male and all), is that they felt the need to make it PG-13, thus reducing the wonderful Amanda Peet nude scene that so livened up the first movie to just a shot of her bare back, but maybe that's just me. And when you really get right down to it, the joke's were a lot more forced, and it just wasn't nearly as funny as the first one. But it was still amusing at times, and hardly what I'd consider the fourth worst movie of the year.

3. The Stepford Wives -- I don't care what anyone says, this movie was hysterical. I loved this movie! Now I've only seen it once, so I don't know how the humor stands up to repeat viewings, but as far as a single theatrical viewing goes, I'd be a lot more likely to rate this one of the best movies of the year than one of the worst. Guess that's why I'll never get paid to review movies!

2. Catwoman -- Okay, so I can't argue with the critics on this one. Another movie that looked so bad I couldn't bring myself to spend good money on it. And I love the idea of Halle Berry in a skin-tight latex cat suit! But I'm also a very big fan of the Catwoman comic books, and from a comic book geek's perspective, this movie is a complete horror and disgrace. It really makes me shake my head at how disappointing DC Comic's movie adaptations have been, especially when you look at the incredible run Marvel's been on lately with its movies. I'm keeping my fingers crossed about Batman Begins!

1. The Chronicles of Riddick -- Worst movie of the year? Please! This was a pretty damned good movie. No, it was't Oscar worthy, and there were certainly much better movies put out in 2004, but this was still a very enjoyable film. The ending is kind of flat and sort of leaves you hanging (so we can only hope they get their sequels green-lit so we can actually see where they're going with that ending), but otherwise a solid action/sci-fi film.

Along with their bottom 10, they also give us a list of "dishonorable mentions" --

Van Helsing, Dodgeball, Napolean Dynamite, The Village, Dogville, The Alamo, Saw, New York Minute, A Very Long Engagement, The Butterfly Effect, and Garfield.

Only a few comments to make there: Van Helsing was okay; hardly a great film, but a lot better than a number of other movies that came out. Dodgeball was absolutely hilarious, by far the funniest movie of the year! But of course most critics are far too snooty to appreciate low-brow humor (and how often do you run across a film with genuinely funny low brow humor that doesn't immediately drop into toilet humor, like so many of the comedies that have come out recently). The Village -- okay, that was quite a disappointment, and I'm a big fan of M. Night Shyamalan.

So now that I've trashed the critics' best & worst lists (well, MSNBC's lists anways, since they're the only ones I've run across), I suppose I should qualify things by posting my own lists. Of course, I'm going to have to go back through the list of all the movies that came out in 2004, since I can barely remember last month's movies, much less movies from early spring, so it will probably be a few days. And since I actually have to pay my own way to the movies I go see, I haven't seen nearly as many as the critics have (and of course I live in a podunk town in Montana, so I don't have access to a lot of the independent films the critics all thought were so great), so my list will be more limited in its scope. But I've got a feeling my best and worst lists will be a lot closer to the average movie-goer's lists than any film critic's lists are likely to be.

Invasion of the Remakes

So this week I wanted to rant a little about the excessive number of remakes that have been showing up at the theaters recently. It's hard to believe that Hollywood is so completely out of new ideas that they're remaking every movie they can think of. There's supposedly a Revenge of the Nerds remake being developed by somebody, for God's sake! Tell me THAT'S a movie we need to see a new version of (not that I didn't like the original, because it's not a bad movie, but do we really need a NEW version of it?). Interestingly enough, I actually saw a remake this weekend -- Flight of the Phoenix. It was a pretty good movie, but mostly it made me want to see the original (especially when I discovered the original starred Jimmy Stewart and Ernest Borgnine). I guess the movie studios figured nobody would remember a 40-year-old movie, and so they could pass this one off as something brand new (which it doesn't look like they pulled off, considering how poorly the movie did at the box office this weekend).

While some movies are very obviously remakes (like the recent remake of the classic The Manchurian Candidate), others are more surprising. The recent Queen Latifah/Jimmy Fallon heist comedy Taxi, for example, is actually a remake of a French film trilogy written and produced by Luc Besson, the writer/director/producer of such fantastic films as La Femme Nikita and Leon (AKA The Professional in the US). Which leads me right into the next part of my rant -- Hollywood remakes of foreign films.

The recent trend of Hollywood remakes has mostly been aimed not at old American films, but recent, successful foreign films (the most notable being the string of Japanese horror movie remakes, which started with The Ring, and continues on with films like The Grudge and Dark Water). Admittedly, I do appreciate these films coming out because they introduced me to this wonderful genre of film (and I've since been tracking down the original films, as well as other Asian horror films online). But at the same time they really make me shake my head. I mean, how unoriginal can you get??? The Grudge, for example, while a really good movie (at least I thought so), not only had the very same director as the original Japanes film, but most of the cast was the same as well! Other than the addition of Sarah Michelle Gellar and handful of other American actors, it's basically the same damned movie. Which begs the question -- why not just release the original???

The answer to that I believe is two-fold. Firstly, American audiences are lazy and hate having to read subtitles, so we need an American cast so that at least the majority of the film is in English, and secondly, Americans are so hung up on celebrity that unless there's a big Hollywood name above the title of the movie, they're not going to bother going to see it. Which personally I find completely ridiculous. But don't expect things to change. Now that Hollywood seems to have discovered the wealth of cinema that exists outside our borders, I'm sure that more and more Americanized versions of great foreign films will be gracing movie screens, along with all the remakes of old Hollywood films (did we really need a remake of John Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13, due in theaters next month? I don't think so!).

But I guess I shouldn't complain too much. I mean, look at the even worse trend that Hollywood's latched onto -- turning TV shows into movies!! But that's an entirely different rant that I won't get into here (Dukes of Hazzard, the movie -- I think that says it all right there!). And so I close with this thought -- yes, by and large, all the creativity in Hollywood has completely evaporated, but the good news is, Hollywood isn't the only place making movies. So for those of you who don't mind reading subtitles, there is definitely a whole world of movies out there just waiting to be checked out.

Mid-week update

So I saw two new movies last weekend, both sequels -- Ocean's 12, and Blade Trinity. And while both movies were okay, neither were anything to rush out and tell all of your friends about, either. I can't even motivate myself to write a review of either movie, they were that middle-of-the-road. Which sadly tends to be the case with sequels. You'd think it would be easier to figure out what was good about the original movie, and make it better, and what was wrong with the original movie, and eliminate that as much as possible, to end up with a bigger, better, cooler, much more enjoyable film. But instead all we see is a rehashing of the previous movie, only with less originality. But this is hardly a new complaint from the movie-going public, so we'll move on to more pleasant topics.

Yesterday, as I'm sure you all know, saw the DVD release of the most important movie of all time (IMHO), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Extended Edition! This is what movies are all about!! I haven't actually watched it yet (I'm waiting for the weekend so I can watch all 3 extended editions in a massive marathon), but considering how phenomenal the theatrical release was, adding 50 minutes is only going to make it that much more spectacular. The other classic film to come out yesterday was the 40th anniversary edition of Mary Poppins, and so I find myself today repeatedly singing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (or however that's spelled), much to the annoyance of most of my coworkers.

Well, I think that's all for the moment. I'm thinking my next post will be an extended rant about the plethora of remakes that Hollywood has been dumping on us recently (but that's going to take up way to much time and space to go into here). So until then!

Top 5 favorite directors

So I was thinking about my new blog this morning, and wondering what I could add to it. I started thinking about who my favorite film directors are, and so I decided to make a list, and put it here for everyone to share in. These guys are all great in their own ways, so I don't necessarily consider any one of them to be my absolute favorite. So in no particular order, here are my top 5 favorite directors:

John Woo -- This man's visual style and sense of action is simply incomparable. To really appreciate his genius, however, you have to go back to his Hong Kong roots (not that his American films aren't good, because they are, but his Hong Kong films are simply fantastic!). Must-see films include Hard-Boiled, The Killer, and A Better Tomorrow I & II. The other reason these films are must-see is they feature one of my all-time favorite action movie stars, the incredibly talented Chow Yun Fat (if all you've seen him in is Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or The Replacement Killers, you're really missing out).

Peter Jackson -- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. 'Nough said! Hard to believe he got his start in B horror films like Dead Alive (am I the only one out there who about lost their lunch when the old lady's ear fell into her oatmeal?). I'm ashamed to admit I haven't seen Heavenly Creatures yet (it's definitely on my list of need-to-see movies, though), but I loved The Frighteners. I'm also really looking forward to his remake of King Kong.

Alex Proyas -- I love his dark, somber visual style. The Crow and Dark City are high on my list of favorite films. The almost film noir style visuals in Dark City so added to the mood of the film. I was also impressed with his most recent film I, Robot, (which turned out to be so much more than the simple action/sci-fi popcorn flick that the trailers made it out to be).

Tim Burton -- How can you not love the films of kooky, quirky Mr. Burton? With such classics as Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow and Mars Attacks!, what more needs to be said? I even really enjoyed his remake of Planet of the Apes, despite the mauling it received from the critics (what do they know, anyways?). It doesn't come close to the quality of the original, naturally, but is still an enjoyable film all the same. And I can't wait to see his version of Charly and the Chocolate Factory (of course, a big part of that is because of Johnny Depp -- another fine, fine actor). With so many incredible films on Tim Burton's resume, I can even forgive him for bringing us Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (everyone's allowed the occasional horribly bad decision during their careers).

Zhang Yimou (or Yimou Zhang if you prefer given name first, as opposed to family name first as they write names in Asia) -- New to my list of favorites, but rapidly rising up the ranks. Anyone who's seen Hero can understand why I think this man is so incredible. The color palettes he uses to tell the story are simply amazing (if you haven't guessed already, I really tend to look at the cinematography and visual elements of a film when deciding how much a like it -- it's unbelievable how many good stories have been turned into mediocre movies because of bad cinematography). I'm so eager to see his new film House of Flying Daggers I might have to break down and buy it on DVD (since who knows when it will hit the theatres in my neck of the woods). Another wonderful movie of his is The Road Home, which is also the first starring role for the very lovely and talented Zhang Ziyi (of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon fame). The Road Home is not a martial arts movie at all (so be warned, if that's what you're looking for), but a touching and dramatic love story, and just a beautiful film (I highly recommend it).

Of course there are so many other great directors out there -- Francis Ford Coppola and Martin Scorsese (I just love mob movies!), Alfred Hithcock, Brett Ratner, Antoine Fuqua, Quentin Tarantino, Chris Columbus, Steven Spielberg (but of course everyone tends to list him). The list goes on and on. But that's probably enough for one entry. Look for more here soon!!

Welcome to Evil Ryan's Movie Maniac blog!!

Yes, like so many other's out there, I've jumped on the blog bandwagon. I blame my buddy Roby (if only because it was his blog that inspired me to create one of my own). My first thought, naturally, when I decided that starting a blog of my own might be fun, was just what the hell could I write about?! Lord knows my life is so mind-numbingly boring that I couldn't imagine anyone taking an interest in reading about it. So I turned to my greatest passion in life -- movies. Movies take up a large amount of my time and energy (and sadly entirely too much of my monthly paycheck), so why not write about them? Not that anyone is likely to care what I think about movies, but hey, that hasn't stopped anybody else out there in Internet-land, now has it?

Firstly, for those occasional surfers (rare as they're likely to be) who don't already know me, don't pay too much attention to the "Evil Ryan" moniker. I'm actually a nice guy (or so I've been told). The nickname is one used mostly by my co-workers (something to do with my penchant for wearing black and my interests in vampires and goth music). And like most nicknames, once it caught on, everyone was using it whether I liked it or not, so I figured I might as well embrace it and have fun with it, since there was no point fighting it.

I'm sure most of you know a guy (or gal) like me -- goes to the theater pretty much every weekend year round to catch a new flick, faithfully stops by Best Buy every Tuesday to check out the new DVD releases (though sadly finances prevent me from buying nearly as many of those new releases as I would like), and considers imdb.com to be the holy grail of Internet sites.

So what can you expect from this particular blog? Well, mostly my opinions about movies, both at the theater and on DVD, along with related commentary about such things as movie critics (and how stupid most of them are), movie studios, and any other general movie-related trivia or commentary that comes to mind. I welcome all comments, criticisms, etc. that anyone feels like posting (I might not pay any attention to them, but you're welcome to post them). Well, that's about all for my first post. Expect more soon (with both Ocean's 12 and Blade: Trinity opening next weekend, I'm sure I'll have plenty to say next weekend, if nothing comes to mind between now and then).