Tiddlywinks: The Movie!

Okay, so they're not actually making a tiddlywinks movie (well, not that I've heard of, but sadly it wouldn't surprise me too much). But the purpose of my title to today's post is that this is a about how silly Hollywood is getting with their film sources of late. And so begins what could likely be the first of many, many rants of mine about the complete and utter lack of creativity in Hollywood nowadays. It's scary how few completely original, non-sequel, not adapted from a book/comic/video game/TV show scripts we're seeing these days. But it's a real sign of just how bad things are when Hollywood is so close to the bottom of the idea barrel that they're now going to BOARD GAMES for inspiration!

Which is not to say that they won't be good movies. Hell, Pirates of the Caribbean was based on a Disneyland theme park ride, and that was a great trilogy (and yes, regardless of what all you naysayers out there might have to say on the subject, I thoroughly enjoyed all three movies). But when I hear that they're developing a movie based on Candy Land, I can't help but think, "Candy Land? Really???" Yes, I'm assuming that this will be a children's movie, and it's very possible that it will be a very well done movie that the kiddies will just eat up (yes, pun intended). But regardless, my gut reaction still has to be, "Candy Land? Really???" And you know that if it's even halfway successful, the Chutes and Ladders movie won't be far behind. And just imagine what an action-packed kids' adventure movie you could turn Hungry Hungry Hippos into (ooh, maybe I should jump onto the bandwagon. I bet I could write a killer Hungry Hungry Hippos script!!).

Next on my list of "What were they thinking?" movies is Monopoly, which is being directed by Ridley Scott of all people! Now I'm sure he'll have an original take on the concept, and there are certainly other great films within that arena (such as Wall Street). And if you're looking to make that sort of movie, if you want to make a film that tackles our current economic woes, or whatever, then by all means, make that movie. But why on Earth would you name the film after a board game?! I don't care how popular said board game is, do you really think that's going to make more people want to go see your movie?

Another board game inspired movie being developed is Battleship. Now, your first thought might be the same as that for Candy Land -- "Battleship? Really?" That was my initial reaction. But then I thought about it a little more, and decided that actually, Battleship could be a great inspiration for a movie. I'm a big fan of war movies of any kind, and so the idea of a movie about opposing naval fleets trying to destroy each other has some serious potential in my mind. But leave it to Hollywood in their infinite wisdom to take this great idea and COMPLETELY screw it up. From what I've read online, the movie was originally intended to be a WWII film, which I think would have been fantastic. But then they decided that no, instead it needed to be a modern day film. Which, while not as cool (at least to me), I can still easily get behind. But oh no, we can't stop there. No, we get one more big change. The only thing I can figure is that some idiot producer got a raging hard-on watching the air craft carrier getting destroyed during the Transformers 2 trailer, because now the enemy fleet in Battleship will be ALIENS!!! That's right, ALIENS!! Are you frakking kidding me?! Okay, maybe there's an updated version of the game out now that I've never played, but I don't remember one of the teams on Battleship being aliens! And while I've enjoyed director Peter Berg's previous films enough to give him the benefit of the doubt (at least until I see the first trailers), at this point this movie just screams terrible.

Before I close, I'd like to touch on one final board game inspired movie that's coming out, and that would be the new version of Clue, tentatively due out some time in 2011. Firstly, I have to say that like Battleship, I think this game is actually a great source for a movie. Here's the problem -- it's already been made into a movie! The original Clue, made way back in 1985, was well cast, extremely funny (admittedly in a silly, very over-the-top way that's probably not everyone's cup of tea, but I loved it), and just all around a good movie. I don't care if it's been 25 years ago now, you don't need to make it again (which leads me into a whole new rant about unnecessary movie remakes, but I'll save that one for a later date). The big question, then, is this -- is the new one going to be a remake of the old one, or a completely original take on the game? Because if they decide to do it as a serious, Agatha Christie inspired murder mystery, I could probably get behind that. But let's face it, this is Hollywood -- what are chances they'd actually write a serious script for a movie based on a board game? But we'll just have to wait until the trailers for this one come out, and see if it turns out to be as completely pointless a remake as I'm expecting it to be.

And so that's my rant for the week. I'm thinking now that an alternate title could have been "Hasbro Buys Out Hollywood" since it feels like that's what happened. There had to have been some kind of sweetheart deal made somewhere for so many of their games to suddenly get the Hollywood treatment. But then again, maybe Hollywood went begging to Hasbro on their knees, pleading, "Can we PLEASE turn your games into movies? We don't have anywhere else to go!" Which really makes you wonder, where do they go from there? When we get to the point where "Connect Four: The Motion Picture" is number one at the box office, then where will Hollywood go for ideas? At this point, I'm waiting for someone to start looking at old 80s music videos and saying, "Hey, I bet we could turn that into a feature film." Or maybe one day we'll see Tony the Tiger or Toucan Sam getting their due as Hollywood movie stars. I guess only time will tell.